Stop the fucking presses!

Parents are the biggest factor in the disruptive behaviour of school pupils, say teachers.
A survey of 500 primary and secondary teachers for the Teachers' TV channel found 80% blamed discipline problems at school on a lack of parental control.

Teachers believed parents were the cause of poor behaviour.Teachers are pitifully wrong on that score. Parents are not the cause, but they are responsible for raising the little shits, and it seems most of the parents have decided to take a sabbatical.

Children are like life in the middle ages - short, mean, unpleasant and most likely disease ridden. The parents job is as a renaissance, to bring them into an age of enlightenment - where they don't talk in movie theatres.

Your child isn't special or charming to anybody but you and your family (if you're lucky). It is a selfish, dot-eyed shouting machine hell bent on sabotaging whatever scraps of tranquillity remain in this pitiful world, and every right-thinking person within earshot despises it with a coal-black intensity that would make your head spin like a centrifuge if you ever got wind of it.

It's the least you can do to raise the fucker correctly.