11 October, 2005

Stop the fucking presses!

Parents are the biggest factor in the disruptive behaviour of school pupils, say teachers.
A survey of 500 primary and secondary teachers for the Teachers' TV channel found 80% blamed discipline problems at school on a lack of parental control.


Teachers believed parents were the cause of poor behaviour.Teachers are pitifully wrong on that score. Parents are not the cause, but they are responsible for raising the little shits, and it seems most of the parents have decided to take a sabbatical.

Children are like life in the middle ages - short, mean, unpleasant and most likely disease ridden. The parents job is as a renaissance, to bring them into an age of enlightenment - where they don't talk in movie theatres.

Your child isn't special or charming to anybody but you and your family (if you're lucky). It is a selfish, dot-eyed shouting machine hell bent on sabotaging whatever scraps of tranquillity remain in this pitiful world, and every right-thinking person within earshot despises it with a coal-black intensity that would make your head spin like a centrifuge if you ever got wind of it.

It's the least you can do to raise the fucker correctly.

16 Step to the white courtesy phone:

Anonymous Anonymous shout your mess

You have a great blog here! I have a psychic spiritual reading site. It has psychic spiritual reading related info as well as astrology, numerology, and tarot card readings to help you find your soul mate or lost loved one. Check it out when you can :)
Rod

October 11, 2005 10:37 am

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

hmmm, hi Rod, I don't know if you've read through any of the posts - especially the first one.

I'm a little less inclined towards the credulous idiot side of things. If I want to know how the day is going to go I tend to consult a chicken's entrails rather than old dead Aunt Doris.

But thanks for sharing.

October 11, 2005 10:46 am

 
Anonymous Anonymous shout your mess

tell it as it is sister

October 11, 2005 11:04 am

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

Rod's a psychic comedian on the Astral plane and an incontinent knob jockey on the physical one. Let's go visit him with a circular saw and a nailgun, and see if he can predict his own future.

Kids eh? Who'd have 'em?

October 11, 2005 11:44 am

 
Blogger Richard shout your mess

No, it's just you Chris.

Actually that's about as completely fucking wrong as you can get and I don't appreciate my children being insulted like that.

October 11, 2005 7:12 pm

 
Blogger Richard shout your mess

Oh, and you were achild once yourself remember?

October 11, 2005 7:13 pm

 
Blogger Taoski shout your mess

Physically he still is!

October 11, 2005 7:15 pm

 
Blogger Richard shout your mess

Anonymous, if you are who I think you are then after I've strung up your boyfriend with his own intestines I'm coming after you! Start running.

Ha ha ha ha!!!!

October 11, 2005 10:35 pm

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

I traded the knob phones for some chill pills - anyone fancy a bucket?

October 12, 2005 8:30 pm

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Oh dear me, my forceful use of the first person narrative, and humorous exaggeration* have rankled.

All I’m suggesting is:
A) In society parents should be responsible for their offspring and it’s behaviour
B) Children are naturally as self-centred as a gyroscope, and therefore tiresome

Can I get an Amen? If anybody disagrees with either of those, then please explain.





By the way, as a side note, in terms of evolutionary biology – once you’ve successfully sprogged, you have fulfilled your purpose. Well done! Have a cake, you’re now dead weight buster, yesterday’s news - waiting to die.

The baton’s been passed and in terms of the population it’s paramount to protect the next generation whose creation took such a large investment of time and energy in this dangerous world.
That’s why a behavioural switch gets flipped in the brain of every parent to protect the child ‘at any cost’. It’s why a parent can get incensed at some dimwit rambling on the internet, why a mother can lift a car of her child, why a lynch mob forms when a paediatrician moves into the neighbourhood.
This behaviour is very powerful indeed. Tests show that the phrase “Gypsies target primary school” is able to account for half the circulation of the Daily Mail. Obviously the other half is through them printing as many pictures of 14 year-old female tennis players and singers as they can drool over.

It’s all just evolution baby. The same chemicals and behaviours swilling around the brainpan to help man survive the Serengeti are pushing your buttons this afternoon. It’s human nature to try and justify it as your choice made with ‘free will’.

*(Not to mention the bits I blatantly stole from Charlie Brooker)

October 13, 2005 9:40 am

 
Blogger Richard shout your mess

I agree with point A. Yes parents should take responsibilty for their children's upbringing. A lot do not. It's niot hard to raise well adjusted, thoughtful and kind children.

I strongly disagree with you on point B. Most (in fact nearly all) children I know and have met are not self-centred or tiresome. They are kind, great fun to be with and genuinely interested in learning things.

If they are poorly brought up by their parents and pumped full of sugar they can be a pain, but that is not their natural state of being.

I also question the implication that somehow people that have children are somehow lesser beings than those that have not. I have no control over my emotions, actions and feelings eh? My buttons were pushed by aggressive and ill-founded opinions of people that have no experience or knowledge of children. Use emotive and aggresive language and you'll get an emotive and aggresive response.

How do feel about ethnic minorities, disabled and old people? Why is your ire so specifically focused on children?

October 13, 2005 3:29 pm

 
Blogger Richard shout your mess

Sweeping generalisations also don't help your argument.

October 13, 2005 3:29 pm

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

Chris - Amen. I say AMEN. Do I hear an AMEN? AMEN!!! (Continues for next ten minutes in similar vein with James Brown in a Chicago gospel church).

October 13, 2005 7:40 pm

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Ah Bob the cut and thrust of livey discourse I do so enjoy...
the implication that somehow people that have children are somehow lesser beings than those that have not.

You may have inferred that - it wasn't implied.

Quite the opposite, you have fulfilled your purpose I on the other hand haven't, I am useless baggage from an evolutionary point of view. A big watery bag of waste.

You are too modest a parent - your experience of thoughtful kind children is a credit to your efforts as a parent and those of your friends. Kids don't pop out like that it takes a kind, and patient handler like yourself.

And just to clear up the last point. I don't specifically dislike children. I dislike people.

More so if they are noisy and ill-mannered, whatever size.

October 14, 2005 9:29 am

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

In conclusion; Children are like farts. People quite like their own. I wont enjoy yours in a lift or restaurant.

October 14, 2005 9:31 am

 
Blogger Richard shout your mess

Mine are silent but deadly.

October 14, 2005 8:55 pm

 

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