That petrol emotion

An amourous peacock is spending 18 hours a day strutting his stuff at a petrol station trying to turn on one of the pumps.

Mr P as he's known puts on a display of mating prowess at a petrol station in Brierly, south-west England for three months a year, in the vain hope of getting it on with the pumps.

Ornithologists believe he is attracted by the clicking sound of the pumps, which resemble the mating calls of a broody peahen.

His owner Shirley Horsman says "in spring he gets his tail feathers and he gets frisky, then he goes looking for love".

"He gets very amorous and the clicking of the petrol pumps makes the same noise as a peahen crying, 'Come on, I'm ready!". Every time he hears someone filling up, he thinks he's on to a good thing.

"It must be so hard for him listening to these pumps giving him the come-on all day long but with no way of relieving that pent-up frustration."

His two brothers are similarly dimwitted when it comes to love.

One appears to have a crush on a cat while the other has been spotted attempting to mate with a garden light.

The occurence is not as rare as some people might think. Most petrol stations are now suffering infestations of stupid cocks, preening in an attempt to attract birds. Displaying a garish plumage of polyester and Argos bling a typical cock will strut up and down a display of Novas and Saxos making loud mating calls. And texts.

Time for a cull.