23 June, 2009

Eddie Jordan's brainfart

Hallelujah praise the lord! It's worth reminding ourselves that we're deep into an F1 season and haven't been forced to listen to the hooting idiocy of James Allen... can I get an amen! How soon we forget the painful ordeal that was watching Mark Blundell grapple with English as he describes a corner what the drivers done gone in fast and cornered.

But as one door opens another slams unmercifully in our faces, the Beeb in their wisdom(?) have seen fit to engage Eddie Jordan as an expert witless, not only on the F1 coverage itself, oh no, he's also popped up on the web and R4's Today programme. "Gemima I need 50 words on Max Mosely's position within the FIA?" "Get that funny Irish one, he's speed-dial 3. He'll give you a quick 1000 word brainfart you can chop it down to whatever size you want - you won't risk editing out any sense".

Tits spotted in Paddock. Eddie was contractually obliged to wear this hideous brightly coloured tat. The stuff he wears now is out of choice!

Ah well... you have to play the hand you're dealt - and so join me next race for the pre/post race Eddie Jordan drinking game. It eases the pain.

Slam a shot of Tequila if:
  • Eddie is wearing hilariously bright trousers
  • Eddie has chosen his syrup today from the never popular polyester highlights range
  • Eddie's jacket and open shirt combo scream Florida car lot circling the drain of insolvency

Bonus shotgun a can of wifebeater if Jake Humphrey manages to repeat the glorious insanity of standing next to David Coulthard and Eddie Jordan and saying "Tell me, what is it like for a driver when they are in that situation... Eddie?".

Shot of Whiskey:
  • Every time time the phrase "going forward" falls out of Jordan's mouth like a dog turd dropping onto a birthday cake.
  • For each mad tangent that Eddie's "question" takes as he rambles on at length towards some unsuspecting driver/team boss (careful now, your gonna need a lot of shot glasses for this one. In fact you may be better off with a measure and a pint glass).
  • If Eddie remembers to pull it back and actually finish up with a question mark.
  • If the interviewee finally after a 10min rambling monologue masquerading as a question simply says "No".
See you in Casualty!

9 Step to the white courtesy phone:

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July 03, 2009 1:00 am

Anonymous Anonymous shout your mess

I was looking forward to Eddie's comments and wasn't for DC, in the end Eddie turns out to be a complete twat with nothing good to say and everything stupid to say. Well all know SOMEBODY has a contract with the BBC and it certainly isn't get renewed...

July 05, 2009 6:56 am

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