03 April, 2006

I heartily endorse this product or book

Oh Carol Vorderman, how much does the marketing department love you? Let me count the ways... I'll have two off the top and three from the bottom.

Carol's ever so clever. She can do sums. In her head. Whilst twinkling gaily towards a presenter, not like that Rain Man who can also do sums but is a bit scary.

Carol's the acceptable face of book learning. Ever so clever for a lady! Bright in a way that the folk watching telly can understand. More of a parlour trick than anything else.

And you what that spells? Money in the bank. Want a vaguely scientific gloss over your product? Carol's agent can quote for you on the phone today. It's the only choice if you're having trouble hawking margarine or dubious diets. Need your sudoku compilation to stand out from the crowd? Carol's got some paperwork on her right now for a simple cover shot 1 year deal.

As time and exposure take their toll keep an eye out for Carol's hold'em poker sets and the Vorderman system for picking steeplechase winners.

12 Step to the white courtesy phone:

Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

April 04, 2006 11:49 am

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

April 04, 2006 11:51 am

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

Funny you should mention it but I have just finalised a Vordo money making kit deal. It's coming soon to a 1/8th page ad in the classified section of the daily neo-facist tabloid press near you!

Yes! With Carol's tried and tested techniques you also can turn your mediocre educational achievements into £££s! Carol shows you how to:
- get a slot on a crushingly dull mid-afternoon quiz show for the near to death!
- convincingly read out someone else's answers to pre-computed arithmetic tests!
- master the art of making vapid small talk with TV non-entities who rub their trousers while making lame double entendres!
No skill required!

Send a cheque made out to CASH for £99.99 to MadMondo Enterprises (Rip Off) Ltd.

Dear, dear Carol - she makes Gillian McKieth look like a paragon of scientific virtue.

April 04, 2006 11:55 am

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Is it me or did you delete two versions of this comment that were just two darn fruity for public view?

We need to know, release the files!

Or was it just embarassing Beadle hands typos?

April 04, 2006 6:20 pm

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

Messrs Apostophe and Typo made a couple of unwelcome appearances so the motherfuckers had to be wasted. The impressionable and innocent must be kept safe. We must remain vigilant.

April 04, 2006 9:27 pm

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

How about putting Vorderman up to front Deal or no deal - Celebrity IED edition? Just one pilot episode required in front of a selected studio audience of talentless show-offs.

I'd watch.

April 06, 2006 11:01 am

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Not a celebrity IUD edition?

Ewww.

April 06, 2006 11:48 am

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

There's possibly a market for celebrity IUD pendants on sale through a shopping channel.

"And this copper miracle saved us from Jodie Marsh spawning an army of footballer hybrids"

Oh God I hope not.

April 06, 2006 12:47 pm

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

But a perfect comeback vehicle for Alan Partridge.

"So Alan, what beautiful yet affordable jewelery have you got for us today?"...

April 06, 2006 12:51 pm

 
Blogger BikerMondo shout your mess

Only if it was dark, no one was looking and no one would find out it was me. Hang on - you do mean run her over with a steamroller don't you?

April 06, 2006 6:27 pm

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Pffft!

April 07, 2006 8:35 am

 
Anonymous Anonymous shout your mess

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January 29, 2013 1:38 am

 

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