*** Newsfelch *** Newsfelch ****

Dai Bitch!
A motorist has been fined after being caught by a speed camera taking both hands off the wheel to apply make-up while driving in north Wales.

Donna Marie Maddock, 22, was fined £200 after admitting careless driving. The court heard she was banned last week for drink-driving. Donna failed to disclose that she was simultaneously singing along to Blue whilst texting with her flaps.

Praise for 'low-crime' car park
Managers of an airport car park in the East Midlands have been given an award for reducing car crime levels.

Car crime has been almost halved at the Castle Donington site, compared with figures from the same period last year. This is the second year running that NEMA has won the Park Mark Safer Parking Award.

Jamie Christon, NEMA's general manager of retail and parking, said: "Ever since the ticket machines were vandalised beyond use reports of daylight robbery have really dropped off"


Technology felch
New technology is helping police to take illegally-driven cars off the road. West Country forces are using an Automatic Number Plate Recognition System to scan vehicle number plates.

The system then checks a database and reports whether the scanned car is untaxed, uninsured or has been involved in any crime.

The system will hopefully be upgraded to ensure that anybody displaying a numberplate with a script typeface will get a night in the cells having their fucking lights punched out.