08 March, 2006

*** Newsfelch *** Newsfelch ****

Dai Bitch!
A motorist has been fined after being caught by a speed camera taking both hands off the wheel to apply make-up while driving in north Wales.

Donna Marie Maddock, 22, was fined £200 after admitting careless driving. The court heard she was banned last week for drink-driving. Donna failed to disclose that she was simultaneously singing along to Blue whilst texting with her flaps.

Praise for 'low-crime' car park
Managers of an airport car park in the East Midlands have been given an award for reducing car crime levels.

Car crime has been almost halved at the Castle Donington site, compared with figures from the same period last year. This is the second year running that NEMA has won the Park Mark Safer Parking Award.

Jamie Christon, NEMA's general manager of retail and parking, said: "Ever since the ticket machines were vandalised beyond use reports of daylight robbery have really dropped off"


Technology felch
New technology is helping police to take illegally-driven cars off the road. West Country forces are using an Automatic Number Plate Recognition System to scan vehicle number plates.

The system then checks a database and reports whether the scanned car is untaxed, uninsured or has been involved in any crime.

The system will hopefully be upgraded to ensure that anybody displaying a numberplate with a script typeface will get a night in the cells having their fucking lights punched out.

7 Step to the white courtesy phone:

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March 10, 2006 12:07 am

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Oh my god! That's sooo entincing.

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I think I'll choose No Cum Dodging Allowed no wait, how about Meat Holes

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March 10, 2006 7:24 am

 
Blogger bigfootcookie shout your mess

You cunt?

Where's that link, ohh, ohh, what am I missing?

March 10, 2006 5:31 pm

 
Blogger bigfootcookie shout your mess

I love the title "groaning shelves of bile"!

March 10, 2006 5:32 pm

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

Put 'felch' three times in one post and someone's gonna get over excited.

The comment is presented in such an enticing way as well. I can't think what's stopping me from clicking on one or more of this thoughtfully compiled medley of high quality links. A true giant in the pantheon of bloggers. Cunt? I think Wanker may be more apt.

March 11, 2006 4:06 pm

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

Does anyone know if Donna got done for having a dangly piece of crap from her rearview mirror or was she l;et off with a caution?

March 11, 2006 4:08 pm

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

And is Donna possibly Donald? She has rather big hands for a member of the fairer sex and makeup appears to have been applied with a trowel or large spatula. The wig looks unconvincing too.

March 11, 2006 4:15 pm

 

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