Won't somebody think of the children?

The City of Keizer, Oregon is under fire for installing bollards which some residents say are phallic symbols.

52 of the posts were installed at a busy intersection in Keizer and a number of residents have complained to the city that the posts resemble male genitalia.

"I can't disagree with that," said City Manager Chris Eppley. "They certainly did not turn out the way we anticipated."

According to Eppley, the posts were ordered from a catalog. "They're a standard style," Eppley said. "I think in the right context they look fine. They just happened not to [look fine] here."

By 'here' presumably Eppley means the bollards would look fine in a town whose residents weren't emotionally undeveloped morons.

The city is looking into retrofitting the posts with metal collars and chains that run between them, which they hope will change the look. If not, they said the posts will have to go. "If that fix doesn't work and I still think they look inappropriate, we'll have wasted $20,000 and we'll have to do something different," Eppley said.

Ha Ha! Fantastic. I'd love to have been at that meeting - where the prim god fearing folk of Keizer swallowed their nervous laughter and blushing vermillion tell the mayor that the new traffic furniture looks like a gentleman's *cough* ahem, y'know *cough*. Whilst a louche figure at the back in a red smoking jacket twirls his moustache and suggests: - "Why, if you're worried that they look like enormous engorged members, why don't we simply fit rough metal collars and heavy iron chains to them?" winking lasciviously at the pastor's wife.