Commandments

Taking a leaf out of the Pope's book, and ignoring the many disastrous problems at home to go wading into somebody else's business (thanks for the tip roo) automakers have offered up some suggested guidelines to the catholic church, aimed at improving their performance.

1. There are maintenance tasks that you can perform that will prevent problems occuring - don't put a crazy ban on your customers performing these because you'd like to see more of them.
   
   
2. There are these scary customers with long hair and glossy lips, smell kinda funny. These are women and apparently they have rights and make decisions now. Get over it.
   
   
3. If a car has a chronic failure, a tie-rod that keeps failing, de-laminating tyres, or perhaps the car repeatedly sexually abuses children you really should perform a recall.
   
   
4. The public will notice if you re-badge the vehicle at attempt to sell it in another market. They'll quickly pick up on the trail of broken tie-rods, faulty tyres and sexually abused children.
   
   
5. Trying to cover up the fault, or even blame the victim is craven and lacks class.
   
   
6. We tried those talking cars in the eighties - turns out nobody likes taking orders from imaginary things that don't really exist.
   
   
7. Fresh coffee, newspapers, maybe even a playstation. Improve the facilities in the dealership/church and maybe you'd get fewer complaints. Can't hurt.
   
   
8. Nobody likes the feeling that they're being screwed over by a big organisation that is just a sleazy excuse for chiseling money out of people who don't know any better. Trust us on this.
   
   
9. I can't emphasise enough - you need to stop sexually abusing kids. I know you enjoy it but it really puts people off.
   
   
10. Pushy salesmen, that is so 17th Century - celebrity endorsement is the future, ask Tom Cruise.