Barking filth

Military chiefs escaped the prospect of unprecedented legal action by promising to do more to to root out sexual harassment in the armed forces.

In another recent case concerning Catherine Brumfitt, a military police officer, a tribunal heard that a male sergeant used sexual scenarios to illustrate points in training sessions, and frequently used the terms "cunt", "tommed up the arse", "butt fuck", and "wanking over the bed sheets".
The Guardian

Leaving aside for a moment the naiveity of anyone called Brumfitt joining the forces expecting a quiet life (let's be honest, it's like having a new kid at school named Kocksux, or Jaques Meoff), I think we're missing the real story here.

If only we can track down this rouge sergeant, reality television has a new star. Someone who can inject a much needed shot in the arm to genre. Any idiot can swear, but it takes an artisan, a poet of profanity to illustrate the minutae of military policing procedure using sexual scenarios. I like to think I have an exhaustive command of profane metonyms but I've never even heard of "tommed up the arse", and this man, this collosus amongst lesser vulgarians was using the phrase frequently. To teach policing.

Christ alone knows what fine point of technique was repeatedly drilled home with the epithet "wanking over the bed sheets" but you can rest assured it's a lesson those raw recruits carry with them to this day.

Y'know there are some teachers that you never forget.