05 August, 2005

Barking filth

Military chiefs escaped the prospect of unprecedented legal action by promising to do more to to root out sexual harassment in the armed forces.

In another recent case concerning Catherine Brumfitt, a military police officer, a tribunal heard that a male sergeant used sexual scenarios to illustrate points in training sessions, and frequently used the terms "cunt", "tommed up the arse", "butt fuck", and "wanking over the bed sheets".
The Guardian

Leaving aside for a moment the naiveity of anyone called Brumfitt joining the forces expecting a quiet life (let's be honest, it's like having a new kid at school named Kocksux, or Jaques Meoff), I think we're missing the real story here.

If only we can track down this rouge sergeant, reality television has a new star. Someone who can inject a much needed shot in the arm to genre. Any idiot can swear, but it takes an artisan, a poet of profanity to illustrate the minutae of military policing procedure using sexual scenarios. I like to think I have an exhaustive command of profane metonyms but I've never even heard of "tommed up the arse", and this man, this collosus amongst lesser vulgarians was using the phrase frequently. To teach policing.

Christ alone knows what fine point of technique was repeatedly drilled home with the epithet "wanking over the bed sheets" but you can rest assured it's a lesson those raw recruits carry with them to this day.

Y'know there are some teachers that you never forget.

5 Step to the white courtesy phone:

Blogger Taoski shout your mess

You cheer up my morning you do...!

Google only brings back a link to the original Guardian article but also suggests:

Did you mean: "tommy up the arse"

But this alternative buggery method also reveals no hits at all...

August 05, 2005 9:25 am

Blogger bigfootcookie shout your mess


"Wanking over the bedsheets"?

Sir!, YES SIR!

August 05, 2005 9:34 am

Blogger bigfootcookie shout your mess


I've been Taoskied.

August 05, 2005 9:35 am

Blogger Captain Beefheart shout your mess

Arse wankingly good sir! Did you know that bloke from Full Mental Jacket was actually a real drill sergeant who was brought in as a military advisor on the film but he was so good Kubrick had him play the serrgeant. "You'd fuck a man in the ass and not have th good grace to give him a reach around!"

August 05, 2005 11:08 am

Blogger Richard shout your mess

My friend Alistair always came out with good insults that he heard in the marines, but I had never heard in real life. Must be something to do with the military.

Things like "toilet trainer" and "cockstand". Strange, but most amusing.

August 05, 2005 1:28 pm


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