Sham sandwich

An international research team has proposed new techniques that could bring meat production out of the farm and into the lab.
Developments in tissue engineering mean that cells taken from animals could be grown directly into meat in a laboratory, the researchers say.

Vegetarians are steeling themselves for yet another crashing bore to corner them and relate this 'soft news' story with a smug tone at tonight's dinner party.

In a free wheeling diatribe any vegetarians present will be invited to defend the shocking hypocrisy that is their lifestyle on issues such as leather shoes, recycling and even the nuclear deterrent.

With a flourish he hopes is reminiscent of a steely-eyed poker player, the boorish dinner guest will reveal his masterful point. "What's point of making pretend meat foods eh? Vege-burgers and vege-sausages".

Vegetarians throughout the room upon hearing this fatuous comment will merely mutter the word "cockpiece" under their breath.