Hazel nuts

The renaming of ethnic minority groups is being explored to allow communities to show pride in both their ethnic roots and their Britishness.

Home Office Minister Hazel Blears said in a newspaper interview that she found the idea of US-style hyphenated terms like Asian-British or African-British, "quite interesting".

Quite interesting?

Your colleague John, born in Swindon, just like his folks after his grandparents moved to Britain before the war, now becomes Asian-British? How terribly exciting to discover after a quarter of a century living in the Thames Valley that you're actually a foreigner. Perhaps they could be made to wear a little badge detailing where they're from, or at least to carry a bell.

If you'll excuse me I must repair my horned helmet, the pillaging season is upon us again, and those East Anglian women aren't going to rape themselves you know.