06 January, 2006

Celebrate the stupid

New Year's Eve 2005 was spent tinkering with a motorcycle, slack-jawed in complete amazement at Radio 2. Rounding up the events and music for the year were Dermot O'Leary, and presumably to make him seem like an intellectual collosus Davina McCall. It was compelling, like a horrific road smash that is appalling yet you can't help looking. Never have I heard such a relentless tide of inanity, a tag-team of stupid vapid idiocy. Davina would seemlessly range from her hatred of the tabloids and their evil ways to her delight at the latest celeb gossip picked over in detail in the red-tops.

And now that the Big Brother season is upon us once more I run the risk of flicking the channel and facing her. The crow-faced voice of HEAT magazine will be working the crowd of whooping enthusiasts in a cluster-fuck of self satisfied stupidity, given full blow by blow coverage on pages 2-17.

If you watch it, you are not being ironic or postmodern. You are contributing to the moronic tide. Sooner than you think the producers will put dog fights and rape onto the box, and ratings will soar. The revolution will be televised. Enjoy.

6 Step to the white courtesy phone:

Blogger psmly01 shout your mess

Bill Hicks- "Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up! Go back to bed America, here's American Gladiators. Here's 56 channels of it. Watch these pituitary retards bang their fuckin skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go America, you are free, to do as we tell you, you are free, to do as we tell you."
For 'America' read Britain. For 'American Gladiators' read Big Brother.
I've not heard the term 'cluster-fuck' before, but I assure you I'll be using it pretty often from now on.

January 06, 2006 12:41 pm

 
Blogger MadMondo shout your mess

TV's decent into a medium dominated by voyeuristic CCTV is to be expected - it's cheap to make and is popular with a broad demographic.

I have however intervened this year and tipped off the the Metropolitan Police that a light-entertainment Al Quaeda squad is looking to rain dirty bombs over England and are using Celebrity Big Brother house to coodinate operations. Given this is massively more information than they had about the 7 July London bombs and far more credible than they had against that Brazilian bullet bin in Stockwell I am confident Celebrity Big Brother will come to a quick but impressive end.

Bread and Circuses

January 06, 2006 1:33 pm

 
Blogger Taoski shout your mess

I thought this was all about charity anyway - but apparently Mckaulay Culkin was also due to be on the show.

Channel4 wanted him to be on the show not for "the game" or for "the charity of his choice" but because they wanted him to open his can-of-worms past with Michael Jackson!

Tossers!

Although my wife watches this... I will be blogging instead.

January 06, 2006 2:42 pm

 
Blogger bigfootcookie shout your mess

I think these voyeuristic CCTV programs have their place, but I'd much rather be watching one of the Discovery Channels.

See, you have just proven that the people who advocate and pursue the return of the death penalty are going about it all the wrong way.

Don't go into the morals and values of a well put argument, of the petitions and reasons for its value, or irrelevance, in today’s society.

Just get a corporate sponsor on board, a TV Contract and sign up get Ant & Dec to host it.

New Saturday Night “Live”.

Oh, and get the National Lottery to fund the electricity bill, and Thora Hurd to advertise the new “Stannah Electric Stair Lifts” during the adverts.

Class.

January 06, 2006 2:45 pm

 
Blogger Chris shout your mess

Think of the most offensive/puerile/stupid format for a telly show. Something so off the scale that you can't conceive of it ever being made

Write it down on a piece of paper and tuck it away in a kitchen drawer.

Five years later look on in horror as you see Vernon Kaye hosting it. Realise your not even getting a penny in development fees.

A Partridge amongst the pigeons? Monkey Tennis?"

January 07, 2006 10:15 am

 
Blogger Taoski shout your mess

The show is strangely beguiling though...

January 08, 2006 12:22 am

 

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