Bellend Sebastian

Sebastian Coe confounded critics who believe he has no more grasp on the true nature of sport in this country than a badly stunned pig skittering about on an abbatoir floor, critics who believe Coe is better spending his time in the upper chamber twining his well-used togue around Thatcher's withered ringpiece. Yesterday.

Demonstrating his innate understanding of how the beautiful game works nationally Lord Coe still hopeful Wales and Scotland will take part in a combined Great Britain football team for the 2012 Olympics in London.

The Football Association suggested reforming the British Olympic team in July and England and Northern Ireland have said their players will be made available. We look forward to seeing gifted amateur gentleman-players like Mr Keane, Ulster and Mr Rooney, t'north embracing the sportsmanship ideals of the Olympic dream.

Sky One are currently commissioning "Olympic Village Uncovered - SpitRoast PakiSlap Party"