I wanna live like common people

Great news for spoilt sloanes and minor toffs struggling with the use of oposable thumbs, one-to-one "iPod survival" tutorials costing £65 for 40 minutes are to be offered at Selfridges department store in London.

Hordes of Henrietta's and Piers' will have to stop braying to each other at overpriced bars for an hour, to learn how to switch on their like rilly, rilly great iPod yah? Daddy got me one in each colour yah, I'm going to learn how to put both my albums on it, Dido and James Blunt, god he's so dishy.

Subjects covered will include using iTunes, installing videos, creating playlists and downloading podcasts. Kristina Rate of Selfridges said staff giving the one-to-one tutorials would be iPod enthusiasts. "Our guys basically know everything about it by really being interested. There isn't such a thing as an iPod school or an MP3 player course," she said. We never realised that Knightsbridge was such a haven for the autodidact.

Presumably when you've succesfully negotiated playing some Pussycat Dolls to a slack-cunted fox botherer they give you a rosette.