I want to believe

Locals flocked to the pet shop, Water Aquatic, in the village of Waterfoot near Bury this week after it was noticed that the markings on a two-year-old albino Oscar fish resembled the Arabic script for Allah.

That the other side of the fish appeared to be inscribed with the word Muhammad only served to compound the spectacle. As few local journalists read Arabic Mohammed Riaz-Shahid, 38, manager of the Oasis Fast Food restaurant across the road was appointed interpreter. He led the chorus of claims that this was a message from above.

"There's no doubt about it," he said. "The markings are clear to see. Allah on one side, Muhammad on the other. Christians, Jews - they all believe in God," he explained. "So God's showing a sign to everyone, a sign that he's here."

Peter Hurst, 17, concurred. "It's a sign of something - no doubt - probably God," he said. "It's amazing, especially for this time of year."

You've gotta love that last throwaway comment. January's usually a slow time for terrestrial manifestations of omniscient powers. Generally it picks up around March in the Bury area.

Hurst declined to reveal what the usual season was for desperately credulous idiots.

The fish has so far remained silent.