think of the children

Disturbing research last week revealed that all abducted and murdered children were characterised as angelic and beyond reproach by their families.

Researchers failed to find a single child victim described as rude, overbearing or unpleasant in the slightest.

The conclusion that bringing up polite well adjusted children imperils them sent a shockwave of fear through parents.

"I'm teaching my son to discriminate against the Welsh" said one mother who wished to remain anonymous yesterday.

Others were reluctant to risk such a half-hearted approach. "My six year old daughter is the most precious thing there is" said a proud and defiant father, "That's why on Monday, she's going to school wearing a Nazi armband, and she'll call the headmistress a cunt too".

Driverchris was described as "a loner, who very much kept himself to himself" yesterday.