First add lightness. Colin Chapman

Obesity 'raises crash death risk' suggests a study in the American Journal of Public Health. The Milwaukee based team suggest male drivers with a BMI above 35 were more likely to die when involved in a car crash.

The team says this may be due to the driver's greater momentum in a crash and because of the effect obesity has on the body's ability to recover. If general anasthaesia is required they're also far more likely to die on the slab. Probably dreaming about cakes and sausage rolls.

But the bodies of moderately overweight men appear to cushion the blow, reports the Journal, so you may wish to visit the drive-thru and top up nature's airbag, the study also suggests lanky thin cunts are more likely to die.

The authors said their findings, based on crash data involving 22,000 people, had implications for vehicle design.

Yes of course you did. Your study was based in Mil-fuckin'-waukee! You probably delivered the results with a mouthful of hot wings, as beads of grease flowed down your busily moving mouths. What is the most natural reaction to the news that your morbidly obese frame is endagering your life every time you haul it onto the collapsed seat of your Buick? Yes the one with the fucked shocks weeping oil as it rocks on it's tortured springs. "There must be a problem with vehicle design" of course, what a fucking genius - thinking that hard it's no wonder you're sweating. Constantly.

"Technology will save us, we can design our way around any trifling problems, say did somebody mention trifle?" This is why cars now weigh three tons and a gargantuan engine is required for very average performance. Cunts. You're spoiling it for everyone.