The lexicon of loon

In further evidence that misguided idiocy knows no boundaries, Iranian bakers are taking inspiration from the American right who renamed French fries and toast "freedom fries" and "freedom toast" at cafeterias in the US House of Representatives. At the time most sane folk dismissed the gesture with a skyward glance and a muttered "only in America, tsch"

However, in a gesture that will warm the heart of anyone who believes we can all be brought together by stupid gestures bakeries in Tehran are no longer stocking popular Danish pastries. Customers will now have to ask for "Roses of the Prophet Muhammad".

To help pick your way through confusing menus and newspapers wherever you holiday this year driverchris brings you the Loony Planet guide to fundamentalist neologism across the world.

French fries - Freedom fries

British Bulldog - English lapdog
English fair play - Take that raghead!
French horn - Top shelf euro porn
Turkish delight - Another dozen suspects to rough up Tariq

Danish pastry - Roses of the Prophet Muhammad
Norwegian Wood - Yusuf al jangly
Swedish meatballs - The juicy breasts of 72 virgins
Dutch oven - Breath of the dying infidel
German Bight - Jihad increasing, westerly, good