15 January, 2007

Let me count the ways

Signs That America May Be Having a Love Affair With the Automobile.
By Darren Addy

Unexplained miles on the odometer overnight.

America begins picking fights as an excuse to "get out of the house."

Comes home smelling of pine-tree air freshener.

America's credit-card statements show the purchase of multiple pairs of driving gloves that you have never seen.

America begins losing weight and exercising.

Suspicious scratches all over the back of America's car.

America says it's working overtime, but it never shows up on pay stubs.

America offers to go to the store for you but doesn't come back for five hours.

Lately, America has become interested in exotic waxing.

Another great list from McSweeneys

1 Step to the white courtesy phone:

Anonymous Anonymous shout your mess

All you need now is a house band, a desk and a city at night backdrop.

Dah, dah, dah-dah.
Dah, dah, dah, dah-dah-dah.

January 16, 2007 8:04 pm


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