Eddie Jordan's brainfart

Hallelujah praise the lord! It's worth reminding ourselves that we're deep into an F1 season and haven't been forced to listen to the hooting idiocy of James Allen... can I get an amen! How soon we forget the painful ordeal that was watching Mark Blundell grapple with English as he describes a corner what the drivers done gone in fast and cornered.

But as one door opens another slams unmercifully in our faces, the Beeb in their wisdom(?) have seen fit to engage Eddie Jordan as an expert witless, not only on the F1 coverage itself, oh no, he's also popped up on the web and R4's Today programme. "Gemima I need 50 words on Max Mosely's position within the FIA?" "Get that funny Irish one, he's speed-dial 3. He'll give you a quick 1000 word brainfart you can chop it down to whatever size you want - you won't risk editing out any sense".

Tits spotted in Paddock. Eddie was contractually obliged to wear this hideous brightly coloured tat. The stuff he wears now is out of choice!












Ah well... you have to play the hand you're dealt - and so join me next race for the pre/post race Eddie Jordan drinking game. It eases the pain.

Slam a shot of Tequila if:

• Eddie is wearing hilariously bright trousers
• Eddie has chosen his syrup today from the never popular polyester highlights range
• Eddie's jacket and open shirt combo scream Florida car lot circling the drain of insolvency

Bonus shotgun a can of wifebeater if Jake Humphrey manages to repeat the glorious insanity of standing next to David Coulthard and Eddie Jordan and saying "Tell me, what is it like for a driver when they are in that situation... Eddie?".

Shot of Whiskey:

• Every time time the phrase "going forward" falls out of Jordan's mouth like a dog turd dropping onto a birthday cake.
• For each mad tangent that Eddie's "question" takes as he rambles on at length towards some unsuspecting driver/team boss (careful now, your gonna need a lot of shot glasses for this one. In fact you may be better off with a measure and a pint glass).
• If Eddie remembers to pull it back and actually finish up with a question mark.
• If the interviewee finally after a 10min rambling monologue masquerading as a question simply says "No".

See you in Casualty!

Silverstone British GP Qualifying

Wallpaper 9

normal


and widescreen

Unapologetically wallowing in nostalgia here...

One of the things I really detest about TV nowadays is that every god-damn pursuit under the sun has to be presented as an aggressive competition, likely as not hosted by pretty idiots and surly 'bad-boys'. Christ it makes me weep.

I wouldn't want to go back to the entertainment landscape of the seventies for a moment - the telly stopped in the afternoons for Bob's sake! (you try telling kids today and they'd probably knife-crime you in the face through puzzlement). But I really, really miss programmes where they'd have an enthusiast just sharing their interest in a subject, stuff like Fred Harris presenting Micro Live. Shorn of cynicism and fake tension telly seems really old-fashioned.

Anybody my age or more will recognise Bob Symes in this clip - I doubt he'd get the gig these days, I think James May is the closest we're allowed.



I believe this clip was George Lucas' inspiration for the Imperial Speeders.

BMX

Glorious weather for the East Anglia regional series round 5 BMX races on Sunday at Milton Keynes BMX track. I took my Aero Reflex down and got some appreciative nods from the *ahem* older contingent.

Click for biggety


There was a really friendly family atmosphere, but the racing was fierce in every age group - from tiny riders to their over 40's parents - reliving oldskool BMX fantasies.

New wheels

After what seemed like an age of waiting I've finally picked up my new wheels. Thought I'd better get a couple of pics - cos lets face it, it'll never be this clean and shiny again.

After pedalling my seemingly cast-iron Downhill MTB back and forth to work for months you might expect the ride back home from the bike shop to be a breeze on a lightweight confection of aluminium, carbon fibre and gossamer...

...doesn't work like that. Every vehicle it seems has a speed where it likes to sit, it's natural speed if you will and this bike craves being ridden harder and faster than I'm used to. I arrive elated, out of breath and suffering from those 'wobbly legs' that I haven't felt since I got back into riding seriously a couple of years ago. Dang I feel like a freshly hatched newbie again. But on the upside it must mean that once I've got a few miles under my belt I'll be getting a lot fitter too boot. I'll need to find a longer route to work - at this rate I'll be there in 10 minutes! Fucked.

Click for biggety

Best bike name so far

Click for biggety

Ken Block Gymkhana pt2